Another Case of Painful Divorce
By Susan Yeranelli
There was an unspeakable silence in the courtroom. Only one couple showed for divorce. Judge was happy that will work only a few minutes, and then he will go to his office to play a game on his cell phone for the rest of the day. It was so quiet in the room that Lily could hear her own heartbeats. She was sitting next to her husband, who, with an indifferent expression on his face, was searching for some relevant information in his cell phone regarding simple divorce procedure. A security officer that was standing in the middle of the room, was continuously staring at the couple and impatiently waiting for the start command. Who knows, maybe he also had some unfinished game to play on his computer.
Lily was one of the always worried type of person, who would be thinking about everyone too much. Her co-workers used to scold her for being anxious all the time. 'Take it easy’ - this is what she hears everywhere, at home and at her workplace. No, it is impossible. How could she be indifferent to people's lives? Especially now, she cannot watch from the side how her own life is going to be torn by these extremely disciplined employees of this small city court.
Finally, a tough voice broke the silence and asked Mr. and Mrs. Mourners to approach the bench.
Hearing his name, Roberto grabbed Lily’s hand and they slowly walked towards the judge's desk as
if they were walking down the church aisle to get the priest’s blessings for their marriage.
Having this strange image in his mind, Roberto felt sorry for his wife for rejecting her having
a real church wedding twenty two years ago. Maybe, that is the reason they did not have a blessed
marriage. Who knows?
After the divorce, when he gets married to his mistress, he would do everything for her, he thought.
"She was my first love since I was twelve years old. When I was nineteen, I left her because of her inappropriate behavior. Then she married to someone else and had two children. Her husband died ten years ago, and she went through mental breakdowns. She did not have a good life because of me, and I feel sorry for her. Now, after so many years, we finally found each other through one of the social networks. She still loves me and deserves my special attention. I love my wife, but I also want to have these both women in my life. I tried to explain this to my wife always thinking of her being a saint, who should understand my situation and obligations towards that other woman, but my wife stated that I cannot have two women in my life and wanted a divorce. She could not stand my frequent travels with her in Europe, but that is the only way that I could spend time with her, because her visa to the United States was rejected. All is my wife's fault. After this rejection I asked my wife to call the US embassy and tell them that she is just a family friend and not my mistress, since they got a wrong impression
during the interview. I did not want this to happen; my wife made me do this. If they allowed her
to visit me frequently, I would not have felt being obligated to spend all my money on expensive
trips to different countries every other two or three months.
I knew for sure that after a few years I would leave that woman and would enjoy my retirement
with my lovely wife. Some people call it middle age crisis, but it is just an obligation
towards a woman who still has unfinished feelings for me.”
At a glance all his life passed in front of his mind’s eyes, and suddenly Roberto realized that he was such a cruel person during his marriage. When there was a talk on having a child, every time he would have an aggressive approach on the topic and would shout at his wife saying: If you want a baby, you are free; go and marry someone else. I cannot and do not want to have a child, and I will never adopt a child for you. Meanwhile, now he is going to take care of his mistress’ children, whose mother once confessed that
she did not even love her own children because they were not from him. What a twisted relationship,
one may think. Truly, his life is going to turn into a nightmare because of his wife and this divorce, thought Roberto standing in front of the judge.
While judge was still scanning the paperwork with his eyes, Lily was standing with tears in her eyes. She was holding a small prayer book in her one hand and a small cross in the other. The security officer, who was standing in front of the couple, was suspiciously looking at Lily and her hands trying to understand if there could possibly be any danger from the unknown objects that she was holding. All this time Lily was praying and asking for help from God, who always answered her prayers before. This time her husband's past life might have been twisted so badly that even God was confused on whose soul needs to be saved first. No one can judge God's actions, but her husband's actions need a fair trial; therefore, there are judges in the courthouses, who at least give a chance to people to think about their lives and what really happened. Lily was very sad about the divorce. She loved her husband so much that, despite all the sufferings that she went through, she decided to let him go and be happy with the woman who was in his life before her. She clearly understood that because of her age she could not have children anymore, and the rest of her life will be empty because of her sacrifices, but she chose a life of quiet suffering and shedding tears over her pillow every night instead of fighting for her happiness. Besides, her happy life with her husband, who seemed to be highly spiritual, showed his real face to her after so many years.
While the judge was asking questions to confirm the couple's final decisions, the seemingly impression of being in church in front of the priest was rising again: Mr. and Mrs. Mourners, do you agree on this...to be finalized…
Standing in front of God with the naked truth in their eyes, two lost souls were waiting for the judge's last words on divorce settlement and for the final judgement from God, who will judge everyone according to his deeds and soul’s condition…
Afterwards, Mr. and Mrs. ‘nobodys’ went to a restaurant to eat their last meal together. It was like they were going to eat their own meat barbecued all night on a slowly burning fire. Then they would sit in the same car that took them to the courthouse, and ex-husband would take his ex-soulmate to her home declaring that 'it’s not one and only one soulmate that one can have in his life; they can be as many as you want.’ Then he would suggest her to remain friends saying that life is not black and white; things just happen. Again, he blamed his wife for everything he did in his life, because in the beginning he was asking her to be number one wife for him, but due to the circumstances, now she would become number two woman. He also asked her to stay as pure as she was since God has a different mission for her life other than marrying someone and leading a happy life with him.
Finally, when Roberto walked Lily to her house, she felt that she had so much to say to him; she wanted to express the pain of her soul, but she realized that he would turn this again into another argument. Instead, she shook off the dust from her feet, entered the house, shut the door, and went to sob and shed lake of tears until her lost soul drowns in her own grief.
Meanwhile, Roberto was sitting at her door and weeping all night and, as usual, cussing and cursing his miserable destiny. Only in the morning, when he realized that he had lost the real meaning of his life, he gathered the remnants of his torn soul and left with a hope in his heart that one day, perhaps, he could be forgiven...
Later in the psychiatric hospital, Roberto tried to convince himself over and over that ‘life is not black and white.' No matter how hard he tried to pretend to be a spiritual person, he could not see the life’s real radiant colors. All his life he lived hiding in a gray shade, and his deeds came to prove that his soul was lost between good and evil, positive and negative, and between white and black. He was abandoned in this hospital by his childhood friend, who was also his first love and ‘soulmate’ and his mistress. After spending all his money, she went to her boyfriend, with whom she was having a secret life all this time. She left Roberto who had already developed psychotic disorder because of the deception and the double life that she was leading. Lily was the only visitor and caregiver of Roberto. She could not bring back all the trust that she had lost in him; neither she could forget their past, but she was trying to keep him happy and was sharing everything with him, even with the psychoactive drugs prescribed by his doctor, so that they both could forget their terrible past...
2/19/2018
TO MY FATHER
You are in a far-far land that is unknown to us, but you are always with me, my Father. This is the first time that I speak to you in a foreign language; maybe all the languages are the same for you now.
I had to write about you, but I changed my mind and decided to speak to you. I miss you a lot. I even miss your silence (you used to be silent), but now your noble silence has grown into a big blank place that I cannot fill with anything. It is not like the old days when you looked at your children wisely and smiled gently...and then you said nothing; you kept silent. This silence is different. I hate it being so long. I cannot stand it to be forever. I miss your words, your style of thinking that I have inherited from you. And sometimes I feel that I have inherited even your silence - the way you looked at the world and kept silent, a big-big silence. You used to speak with writings; it can be proven by your poems. Sometimes I try to do the same, but I am not that successful. When I achieve to your success, I will be as silent as you. But now, I have much to learn from your silent world.
Los Angeles- 1995
